July 5th 2012

This post is written in reflection to my July 3^rd blog

Two reasons lay behind my want to write this reflection:

1. To coherently document the nature of my thoughts and emotions composed in the July 3^rd blog post. Because these where not fully identified at the time of the composing.

2. So that I might later reflection and revisit the nature thoughts and emotions captured in those moments of my life

The evening of July 3rd was stiflingly hot and muggy. Several external factors had prompted me to a state of overwhelm and my tired mind had foolishly followed.

Mental thoughts where red with debate in search of solutions: solutions for uncontrolled factors of my life.

Deficiencies in time, energy, patience, inspiration, and motivation where leading me to feel handicapped by other life situations needing attention.

Many of the situations where unknown factors I was allowing myself to fear.

In the middle of these irrational emotions lay a long list of tasks to be completed. This includes composing a blog post. When I seated myself to start the process of compiling my thoughts, rage and fear dominated the sentences. What I was writing would not have been appropriate to share for these thoughts should not have even existed in my mind. In effort to change the flow of mental thoughts I went in search of writing prompts.  Ms.A’s class room website, lead me to the writing promts webpage.  

As I moved my curser over each prompt number, I hastily answered “no” “no” “NO” to many of the suggested ideas. Many of the intended inspirations seemed to only heighten my stress level.

Then the cursor reveled this prompt: Write in 400 words you ideal place. “Yes” was my minds instant response.

Writing the prompt heading at the top of a new document page was the start of a fast and smooth rush of positive and refreshing words flowing onto paper.

 For a short while I went to another place in the world of words. Through reading, my imagination has been taken to other places, but never had my mind been the creator of such a place.

Emotions of desire and hope flew through my tight shoulders to my taping finger types.

I found, in this place, the many resources I would need to address stressful elements of my life. Land: to supply adequate amounts of food for people and livestock. Gardens: for fresh family meals. Family Meals: for nurturing and creating unity. Horses, A shooting range, A volleyball court: for rejuvenating pleasure and happiness. 

Stress and anger where the emotions at front of my writing ideas that evening. But rather then composing things I could not change and inducing myself to more stress. I eventually found a different emotion to write through.

I fought my fears and stress in this post through hopes and dreams. I expressed them through writing about the place that would remove every one of these issues. It was as if I was writing of heaven.

Blog post number 11, on July 3^rd 2012 captured a moment in my time. Maybe it is dreamy. Yes,………………. it is.

But I do not want to forget the emotion that caused me to quickly write past the 400 word stop sign. I do not want to forget, because, for the first time, my heart experienced pure joy in writing!!